The Ballad of Balaam

Well Balaam was the son of Beor
He had a donkey who went “Eeorr.”
Later, he went up Mount Peor,
And ended up all gory.
But let’s get on with the story
(Wouldn’t want to bore ye).

Now Balak, king of the Moabites,
Heard how Jacob smashed the Amorites,
So he allied with the Midianites.
Yet he thought, “Tis not enough,
I must get more stuff,”
And he sent for the seer with a huff.

However, Balaam needed a call from God
Before his feet were shod
(For he wasn’t going to Ashdod).
And God said, “Don’t do it,
It doesn’t require much wit;
Do what I say and quit!”

Again, King Balak sent his delegates.
Now God said to Balaam, “Go with Balak’s pets,
But you might have some regrets.”
So the prophet saddled his ass,
(A donkey, not a word of crass)
And proceeded en masse.

In anger, God sent an angel to kill.
The donkey saw, and averted the hill.
After a whipping, the ass said, “take a chill pill,
Or else you might have to pay.”
Said the angel to Balaam, “Will spare you today,
Only speak what I tell you to say!”

Now Balak met with Balaam in glee,
And said, “Come up this mountain to see,
And curse these Israelites for me.”
So the lukewarm Balaam agreed,
But God told hime to say, “Indeed!
I wish I was of Jacob’s seed.”

After this, the blessings occurred thrice,
Yet Balaam had plans to entice,
And to Balak this was his advice:
“With vice, you may smite,
Seduce them at night;
And your gods will be to them a great sight.”

Balaam’s plan worked out quite well
But how did he die, do tell,
In an Israelite raid he fell!
Thus ends this story of treachery.
Old Balaam lives on in infamy.
Let us, then, not like him be.