Louis

I forgot to mention some things about Louis--first--he's been clean and sober for the past 4 days! He was so excited about it, and we rejoiced in this victory of God in his life.
I remember another time talking with him, and he shared about how he was in one city spanging ("spare some change?") and he decided to switch up his sign--instead of asking for money, he started asking people if they could spare a smile :) Though many walked past, missing the joy that could have been theirs, a number of them did smile back. I thought his idea was brilliant, although i havn't tried it yet.

Hitchhiking tomorrow

Well, the guy can't take us-- so tomorrow it is that we will go :)

Another night in Portland

Gus and I decided to stay another day in Portland, because we were waiting to hear back from a Craig's list dude who was travelling all the way out to Philly and willing to take riders! We are debating how much longer we are willing to wait around for him, and will leave tomorrow morning if we don't hear back from him (if he says yes, we'll leave here on the 2nd of Dec.)

Last night we decided to try to procure shelter instead of sleeping outside again in the cold, so after Road Warriors we walked up to a place that was offering emergency beds (and if they were full, then vouchers for motel rooms). Thankfully, we were able to get a room (although it was pretty far away--77th street, when we were around 6th!). So he gave us bus passes to get there (unfortunately not for the way back) As we were waiting around the bus stop at about 10:30 pm, we met this guy who was carrying a duffel bag that he claimed had soup in it! That he was taking back to give to his friend who was sick. He was an interesting guy--worried that something would happen on the bus, such as someone throwing up, or a gang fight erupting on the bus (he called it "fucklihood"--as in the likelihood of something bad happening). Then another guy showed up--"C" (he had come down from Washington on a greyhound)--he was cool and we started talking to him as well--it was a little bus stop party! But one more person came by--a girl who was exhausted from her train ride up from Mount Shasta (my fav. mountain so far in California). She was gonna miss her bus if she didn't go to another bus stop which was a ways away, so we offered to walk with her over there. I was pleased at the level of trust she exhibited to us as complete strangers, but she got on the next bus that came (cause it could take her by the real bus stop she needed) and we were gonna get on, but decided not to (knowing she would be fine). Anyway, it ended up being Gus, C, and me who were together, getting on the next bus--the number 9. At one point, he offered us some mushrooms (not the kind your mom puts in soup) and we declined, but he started opening up as somehow we got to talking about Jesus. C started sharing his heart--turns out he is a brother in Christ who had fallen--gotten into some trouble at home and gave up on his girlfriend and two year old son and started fleeing his old happiness through drugs and alcohol. He was going south to stay with his alcoholic mother that night, but wasn't too excited about it, so we offered to let him stay with us in our hotel room. He gladly accepted, and was amazed at our hospitality (though I don't think he should have been, nor do I think we were doing anything really out of the ordinary as followers of Jesus, and it was no sacrifice to us, just a joy). So we finally arrived a little before midnight at the motel and had a wonderful time of prayer and encouragement in the room (after sneaking him in). I stayed up with him till 3 am! another really late night, but it was a joy and pleasure to share with eachother and pray for one eachother. I'm sure C (not his real name) would appreciate your prayers as well during this time of transition for him. He really felt God's love last night reaching out to him, but he needs help with the practicalities of what to do next.

Gus' blog

This is the myspace blog of my friend Gus, who's traveling with me--he's had some crazy stuff happen to him! You should check it out.

http://blog.myspace.com/rockersyourboxers

Into the cold north

Well, either today or tomorrow we will start our long trek (I'm guessing it will take anywhere between 4 and 10 days to hitchhike over to Chicago) from here. This stage of our journey will be the roughest, as we will have no regular access to food or shelter. Your prayers will be much appreciated. I'm excited to see God's hand working through generous and caring people to help us out, and to be a blessing to others we may come in contact with. With that said, it may be a while before I can resume blogging, but I will do my best. :)

God weeps too

“God weeps with us so that we may one day laugh with Him.”
—Jurgen Moltmann

Glorious

As I was returning to the library today from purchasing (one of a very few purchases I have made in the last three weeks!) a road map for our upcoming quest, I noticed it started to rain. Gradually, the little drops on my head turned colder and harder and eventually instead of splashing they bounced! My heart was practically bouncing within me--out of joy and delight in the experience. I've always loved the parts of nature that seem harsh to many--the rain, the snow, the sleet and hail--something about God's power and his love seem intertwined in their beauty. As I was walking around, basking in the hail, I noticed most people rushing about trying to get under shelter--a natural response, but nevertheless, I was gripped by a sort of spiritual sadness (or yearning)--a desire for everyone else to experience the same joy I was experiencing.
As I was walking, I passed by a middle aged lady from a distance, and as I was smiling, she smiled back. A few yards later I opened up my mouth to taste the tiny beads of ice, and heard her chuckling. I gave her one more smile, happy to find at least one soul who could appreciate the joy of living in that moment.

Cold

Last night we slept in the same place as our friend--but he left in the middle of the night--I don't know where too :( He said he had gone to his first CA (cocaine anonymous) meeting last night--I really hope he gets into a residential program soon.

Our great teacher, Pain

"No one lives on this earth without [pain]. It is the great teacher, although none of us want to admit it. If we do not transform our pain, we will transmit it in some form. Take that as an absolute. If we do not learn this all important spiritual lesson, at least one, maybe all, of the following things will happen:
1. We will become inflexible, blaming, and petty as we grow older
2. We will need other people to hate in order to expel our inner negativity
3. We will play the victim in some form as a means of false power.
4. We will spend much of our life seeking security and status as a cover-up for lack of a substantial sense of self.
5. We will pass on our deadness to our family, children, and friends

from page 37 of Adam's Return: The Five Promises of Male Inititiation, by Richard Rohr

Sad cycle of pain

Today I ran into my friend that I mentioned in the Amazing Grace post last week (the one we stayed up late into the night talking and praying with). I greeted him and gave him a hug out of my joy in seeing him, not realizing until afterwards that I was being a little too eager. Especially because he didn't seem to want to talk to me. I realized in thinking about it afterwards that it's the same way I feel after I've committed some sin--especially if it's a sin that I've struggled with for a while. Anyways, it grieved me that he didn't want to talk about it--but I know that there is deep shame in drugs--especially when you've told your friends that you are going to quit. I hope and pray that he would not think it is ever too late to go back home to Dad, no matter how recently he's last used.

Trappist Abbey--How not to hitchhike

As it turns out, the "monastery" that Gus and I stayed at is called "Trappist Abbey," and supports itself through bookbinding, fruitcakes (most of which are sold around this time of year) and forestry (which they do just for fun and to be good stewards of the land they are stewarding.)

On Monday we left to go hitchhiking down to the Trappist Abbey, but started out a little late (in the afternoon, due to several important last-minute errands). So we ran across several freeways in our attempt to get to a good hitchhiking spot (kids do not try this at home :)) Don't worry, we looked both ways. Finally, we put up our sign (for the next largest town) at a bus stop. After about twenty minutes, and a bus or two going past, we decided we'd use some of the money we'd earned as sign holders in order to take the bus to Sherwood (I quickly asked the bus driver whether we could get a bus from Sherwood to our final destination--Lafayette, and another guy on the bus answered "Yes.") So we got to Sherwood and waited around for the LINK bus, a locally run shuttle route that was manned by an older man who didn't always stay completely on the road!! He was willing to go out of his way a little for some of the people on the bus, so Gus and I were hoping he would be able to drop us off sort of close to where the monastery was--but he ended up taking us right to the main driveway!!!!(which was probably five or ten minutes out of his way). Looking back, I'm just profoundly grateful for God's graciousness to us (in so many ways--the man who knew about the LINK bus--that he just happened to be riding at that time, through the Link bus driver going out of his way, etc.) --that we didn't have to walk for ten miles to get to the Abbey, and that we got there before dinner time (hadn't had anything to eat all day).

Amazing Grace

Last Saturday night we went to the Bible study at Sarah's house--wonderful time of fellowship with a mixed group of people--homeless youth, college students, church people--quite a mix. It felt like what church is supposed to be like. I overheard this guy named Louis sharing about how he had just had a profound experience of giving up his life to Jesus--and giving up his drugs and alcohol. I had a wonderful time hearing his testimony and sharing scriptures with him--it was a very mutually encouraging time. He is the kind of guy who attracts others around him because of his deep humility and brokenness.

Last night, I saw him again at Road Warriors and was going to sit next to him, but someone else was already sitting there. I didn't get a chance to talk to him, and as he was on his way out, I noticed he didn't seem to be in the same frame of mind that I first met him in. So I followed him out, and he told me that he had relapsed. We had a long discussion, in which I heard much of his life story, and I invited him to stay with Gus and I that night in order to help him stay away from going back into drugs that night. We stayed up until 3 pm last night talking and praying with him--really felt God's presence with us.

At one point, this other guy walked up to us and gave each of us a cookie, telling us that God loved us, and that He wanted us to get off the streets, even asking me how old I was. Then he gave each of us a dollar, and reminded us again of God's love. Although I was blessed by the cookie and the dollar, and by his concern, I was disappointed that he made certain assumptions about us--that we liked to party, etc.

Anyway, later on, as we are still talking, another, different guy comes up to us, and asks us if we were praying! We answer in the affirmative and I offered him a cookie. He refused kindly, and then our friend we were praying with offers him his dollar! So we all give him our dollars and he tells us that he is a fellow believer and shares what he has learned about God with us. Eventually, I ask him to pray for us--especially for God's power to empower us for holy living, and he prays for us then and there, sitting in a circle, holding hands, knowing God's presence on a cold and windy street corner.

Lst

Well, sad news--today I lost my Dr. Lic. and bnk Card. So if any of you are reading this--please pray that whoever finds it has no ulterior motives, and returns the cards back to me. The card for my credit union should be ok--I'm just gonna have them send a new one to me. But I can't do that for my Dr. Lic.! I have to go in person to CA DMV.

Violence for the sake of the people!

"The Myth of Redemptive Violence is the real myth of the modern world...It, and not Judaism or Christianity or Islam, is the dominant religion in our society today...By divine right the state has the power to demand that its citizens sacrifice their lives to maintain the privileges enjoyed by the few. By divine decree it utilizes violence to cleanse the world of enemies of the state. Wealth and prosperity are the right of those who rule in such a state. And the name of God—any god, the Christian God included—can be invoked as having specially blessed and favored the supremacy of the chosen nation and its ruling caste."
--Walter Wink The Powers That Be

Interestingly enough--this kind of stuff usually makes alot more sense to the homeless than it does to the average middle class evangelical.

Shipping Houses

Today I worked went to Sisters of the Road Cafe--a great model of a nonprofit that bestows dignity to the homeless and poor. The way they do it is by having people work for their meals if they can't pay money--so if you work for fifteen minutes, you've earned a buck fifty credit, which is the cost of one meal. I worked for about an hour and fifteen minutes making plates of delicious--looking burritoes, and after that got to use a fraction of what I earned for a meal. I sat down across from a guy named Ray, who told me a little about himself. At one point, he mentioned that he had recently been in Africa for a year and a half, building houses for people! I asked him what his motivation was, and he just told me that he had gone there on vacation, and saw all the starving kids and wanted to do something about it! So he started building houses out of shipping containers for families in Africa--apparently, shipping containers are very durable, and very cheap, because most of the time, shipping companies don't know what to do with them, and they often end up filling up landfills! Anyway, he ran out of money and is now back in the US, and is now homeless because his sister sold his property! So he wants to start a nonprofit, having low-income kids of the city get involved in martial arts (that's what his real job is--martial arts) and then go on trips to Africa with him to help build houses out of shipping containers!!!
Anwyway, let me know if any of you know anyone involved in missions who could help support him and he could build houses for them!

Privacy

As I've been homeless for the past week, one of the harder things has been the lack of alone time. Everywhere I go, there are people--where I sleep, where I eat, when I'm traveling, when I'm inside. People. Normally I like people alot. And I still do. And it's not really that bad for me, cause I don't like to be alone. But I need to be alone, and that's what is the problem. So I'm learning how to pray around other people, but hearing God's voice is hard to hear sometimes with all the noise.

Road Warriors

Last night Gus and I went to a night drop in center called Road Warriors, where they served pizza and other random leftovers for a group of teenagers and early twenty-somethings. I saw Tiffany there (the girl I happened to hitch a ride up to Portland with, although her dog wasn't there). Unfortunately, we were not able to talk, because she was pretty engrossed in the movie that they were showing (Freddie Vs. Jason). I was absolutely thrilled when I heard that they were going to play that movie, and I literally jumped out of my pants in my delirious excitement. After pulling my pants back on, I decided I'd rather hang out with people than watch it (I hate horror movies with a deep passion). Fortunately, Gus and I got to hang out with Johnnie, one of the guys who came to the Bible study held at Sarah's house. He decided he would camp out with us, which was cool, so there were three of us sleeping on our tarp last night. He works at a telephone survey call center, and has only been homeless for the last four months, but during that time has contracted scabies, the flu, and other nasty things. He recommended to not sleep in the shelters because of the possibility of getting bugs like lice or scabies. One time, he spent a whole night in a corner huddled because he couldn't sleep in his sleeping bag, for fear of spreading the scabies onto it!

Sick

I find myself with a cold and a sore throat. It is harder to get better when you are outside sleeping. It would really be hard if I had some kind of chronic illness, which many of the homeless have.

Houses

"And tell me, people of Orphalese, what have you in these houses? And what is it you guard with fastened doors?

Have you peace, the quiet urge that reveals your power?

Have you remembrances, the glimmering arches that span the summits of the mind?

Have you beauty, that leads the heart from things fashioned of wood and stone to the holy mountain?

Tell me, have you these in your houses?

Or have you only comfort, and the lust for comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest, and becomes a host, and then a master?

Ay, and it becomes a tamer, and with hook and scourge makes puppets of your larger desires.

Though its hands are silken, its heart is of iron.

It lulls you to sleep only to stand by your bed and jeer at the dignity of the flesh.

It makes mock of your sound senses, and lays them in thistledown like fragile vessels.

Verily the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul, and then walks grinning in the funeral.

But you, children of space, you restless in rest, you shall not be trapped nor tamed.

Your house shall be not an anchor but a mast.

It shall not be a glistening film that covers a wound, but an eyelid that guards the eye.

You shall not fold your wings that you may pass through doors, nor bend your heads that they strike not against a ceiling, nor fear to breathe lest walls should crack and fall down.

You shall not dwell in tombs made by the dead for the living.

And though of magnificence and splendour, your house shall not hold your secret nor shelter your longing.

For that which is boundless in you abides in the mansion of the sky, whose door is the morning mist, and whose windows are the songs and the silences of night."

A quote from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran, one of my favorite poems.

William Stringfellow and home

I was in the library tonight, reading a book called My People is the Enemy by William Stringfellow, a white lawyer who moved into East Harlem in the 60's, just fresh out of Harvard Law School. He moved into a smelly tenement filled with cockroaches, with water dripping out of the toilet, and the whole place was only 25 by 12 feet. In the introduction, he writes the following:

"This was to be my home.
I wondered, for a moment, why.
Then I remembered that this is the sort of place in which most people live, in most of the world, for most of the time. This or something worse.
Then I was home."

It is humbling to realize that in my short period of time on the streets, I am living at a level that in many ways is not even as bad as what most people are going through throughout the world. I get plenty to eat--the soup kitchens are open for practically every meal, seven days a week. I do walk a heck of alot, but that is nothing compared to the agonizing work that many have to endure day to day, week after week, year after year, and with hardly any compensation. As far as sleeping goes, I have a great sleeping bag that keeps me quite warm and dry, and we sleep under a bridge so that the rain cannot touch us. As far as the toilet, although sometimes it is hard to find a place to use the facilities, I am still able to use fine toilets--a luxury many in the two-thirds world are unable to access on a regular basis.
So, even though I am "homeless," my living conditions are quite grand compared to many. Like Stringfellow, I think I'm rediscovering what "home" is.

Tiny Portraits

In the line for dinner last night, we met a guy who was working--full time job with benefits--in a soup kitchen line! He said he barely has enough money to pay the bills, so he is forced to stand in line for his food--and he only gets to eat dinner--so he eats dinner at the missions every night--first one dinner at the Blanche House (twice through the line!) then going to another mission to get dinner there--three meals in one hour!

Yesterday, Gus and I decided we would work for a bit in order to raise money for a greyhound bus ticket over to Chicago. (I recently checked it and found out that it costs much more than I thought!) Anyhew, we heard about an opportunity to work through some other guys on the street--holding up signs for seven bucks an hour. So we went to the Burger King parking lot across the bridge on Saturday morning, and joined the little mill of men (and a couple women) who were waiting for the trucks to arrive to pick them up for work. When the first one arrived, we all gathered around it and one of the younger guys started chatting away to the truck driver, trying to be one of the ones he would pick. Gus and I looked at eachother--knowing that what he was doing was probably the last thing one should do to get picked for the job. Gus and I finally got picked by the last guy to come by--we had been standing around for about two hours until we were finally picked. (In the meantime, I shaved off the sides of my face in the parking lot with Gus' help, trying to look as clean cut as possible, because the sign picker had picked the cleanest cut men in the last pick up). So the guy picked us up and dropped us off in different locations holding up signs. We were supposed to wave them around at the oncoming traffic. This would go on for five hours--perhaps the longest time I've stayed in one five meter radius standing up! Thankfully, God was gracious enough to bless me with many smiles and waves during the time, and a wonderful conversation as well. I made it my goal to smile at everyone who drove past, and though most of the people remained in their depressed looking state, some people smiled back, and some even waved!! I think I even got a few honks, but I'm not sure. Anyway, a smile is a wonderful thing to share with people. And you never know what you'll get back. I was also able to talk with an interesting fellow named Mike--who came up to me after hearing that I had hitchhiked up from LA last week (through another guy walking along the street who must have pointed and told him about me after I mentioned it to him!) Anyways, it was good to talk with him and encourage him, because he said he doesn't have many people to talk to, and struggles with depression. Hopefully he'll take up my suggestion to start reading his Bible and connecting with God. It's funny how God sets up appointments to talk with people in His time. After my five hours were up, I was picked up by Mr. sign boss man again, and we drove around picking everyone up. After about five minutes driving, he dropped us off at the train station--not anywhere close to where we were originally picked up from in the morning. Gus and I just assumed that the stop we were dropped off at was in the "free" zone (the area where you don't have to have a ticket in order to ride). So we jumped on, and suddenly realized that we were not in the free zone, and that if a ticket checker came through, we could be fined hundreds of dollars!! So we hopped off at the next stop, and started walking back towards downtown, by this time rather miffed at sign boss dude (really friendly and nice outwardly, but I'm sure he's milking all the money he can out of us sign holders--paying us only 35 bucks in cash for it). We walked all the way back to the next stop, and decided it was ridiculous to try and make it back walking (we were trying to get back to the square by 5:15, when a Bible study for street kids was supposed to start). Anyways, the day was a reminder of how the poor are exploited with poor jobs. The Bible study afterwards was a definite relief, although both of us were tired out of our minds.

Bagpipes

As Gus and I were walking through the city, me trying to keep up with his brisk walking pace, we passed by two bagpipers playing away--I love the sound of the bagpipe. They were playing Christmas songs, and as I heard them start to play, I asked Gus if we could just soak it in a while--enjoying the sights and sounds of the beautiful city of Portland on a winter night. As one of them started playing "Little Drummer Boy" (which happens to be one of my favorite Christmas carols) I was thinking a little about the people we've met here--how many little drummer people there are among the homeless. So many who feel that they have nothing much of anything to give to Jesus--yet He welcomes their gifts with loving, open arms. So many don't even realize they are giving gifts to Jesus, every day--a smile, and encouraging word, a spare cigarette--yes, even that.

Lunch and figures

Had lunch with a lady named Sarah--a beautiful example of God's work in this world. She has lived in Portland for quite some time and has more recently been working with the homeless street kids who wander around the city "spanging" ("can you spare some change?") and drinking or doing drugs. She opened up her home to them and now has three homes for them to live in. It kind of sounds like Keith Greens work back in the 70's--he just invited people into his home and ended up forming a whole community! I was excited to hear that one of her favorite books is Chasing the Dragon by Jackie Pullinger--one of my favs. I'm looking forward to going to a Bible study she is leading this Saturday. Anyway, her son was also with us for lunch--a rather interesting guy who wants to start a community living off the land!! Sounds pretty cool to me, although some of his ideas were a little bit further than I'd probably go. Gus and him had quite a good time of it discussing different books and ideas--it's always a ball being around people who are well-read in what they are talking about. Anyway, he also spent some time on the streets of Portland--about a month, and wants to go at it again, but is only hindered by the fact that he needs to pay off a debt by working. Gus also met some guys who are going to college but are also homeless--apparently to save costs on rent.

Another piece of random info--Portland is apparently one of the better read cities in the US--and it shows--I've seen a number of homeless folks reading books as well as newspapers--just yesterday, I was talking with this one guy at lunch in the soup kitchen who had two science books with him! He said he just wanted to be smarter. Go figure.

On the road with Ava

I wonder why our paths crossed so unusually,
at Weed truck stop
You and your dog--queens of the road
Yet, you do not know why you go
And when will you stop running away?
Away from your past, even your future--
you live in the now
the back of a truck,
rushing along the rails between steel walls at distance speeds,
the dewy wet fields of green your made-up bed.

I hope, one day, you will find what you're looking for.

Homeless in Portland

Well, after a two day hitchhike with truckers up to Portland, OR, from Los angeles, I am finally here in Portland, and with Gus, my travelling partner. Here is the story so far:

After getting dropped off in Santa Clarita by my good and longsuffering friend Tim, I was able to get a ride at a truck stop after only an hour and a half. Then, I was dropped off near Sacramento, and tried to sleep in the truck stop, but couldn't. Thank God, I got a ride in the morning from a nice trucker named Ishmael. He dropped me off in a lovely little town called Weed, in northern Cali, under beautiful Mount Shasta. Wow--it was amazing. I was so tired, I decided to camp out in a field near the truck stop--this was at about noon. (I wasn't hungry, because Ishmael had bought me some lunch). Then I got a ride up the next morning, and surprisingly, the trucker was willing to take up another hitchhiker along with me--a girl named Tiffany, who had a dog along with her! He dropped us off in Portland about 6 pm last night, and I decided to eat dinner at a local mission. Unfortunately, the mission's policy was to have people listen to a 45 minute evangelistic sermon before we could eat. As some of you may know, I am less than thrilled with Christian organizations which require people to listen to their spiel before letting them recieve services. If the spiritual stuff was voluntary, so that the homeless could attend if they wanted to, I would be cool with that. Of course, the problem is, probably no one would come! :) Which is why they make it mandatory. Unless, of course, they changed the whole thing, and made the spiritual aspect more of a discipleship course instead of the same message over and over again each night. Anyway, after the meal, I had to find a place to sleep, so I started wandering around the city--it was dark and kind of wet, and I went under a bridge, noticing a number of people already camped out next to the train stop. I kept on wandering around, looking for a spot where there would be less people. As I went under one bridge, I noticed that there was one empty space (not filled with a person sleeping). As I looked at it, deciding whether I wanted to sleep there, I picked up a spot of cardboard to clear the spot, hoping it wasn't some kind of marker that someone had left there to reserve their spot with.
RRRRRRRRRaaaaaaaahhggghhhn
Suddenly, a big black dog leaped out of nowhere, growling and barking at me. Thankfully, he didn't have a mind to bite me, (perhaps because my feet took to flying for a couple seconds). Apparently, dogs are helpful companions/protectors for the homeless. After that, I bunked down in a little corner that had an awning next to a building that had a sign on it: World Trade Center. I was able to sleep there for an hour and a half before getting woken up by two men who were I guess security guards for the building. I was nice to them, and they were nice to me. So, off I went, travelling along the edge of the Willamette River, looking for a good bridge. Finally, I made my way under an overpass, and found a dirt spot with no one there, and was able to sleep for a good 9 hours. After packing up, I made my way around the city, accomplishing various tasks like--eating at a mission, going to the library so I could send this to you all, and!!! finding my long lost companion Gus through G chat at the other library in the city. :)