The Inquisitor

I heard you said you would die for Me—

Remember Peter?

Do you truly love me? You say it so often—Is it a part of you?

When you sing out to Me—I AM

Do you truly know that?—I AM

All the time…

Everywhere.

Listen

Can you see Me?

I AM here

My child,

Do you truly love me more than these?

Do you truly love me?

Do you love me?

I love you

Humbling

Excert from a book by a young Catholic priest named Henri Perrin who sought to identify with the working poor of France by working in the factories as a "priest-worker." Here, he talks about some young middle class young Catholics in his day who sound frighteningly like myself. Perhaps you may find yourself here, too.

“I retain from this and other meetings I had during the holidays with young Catholics the painful impression that many of these young people are, so to speak, branded with a kind of impotence. Many of them come from ‘comfortable families’—materially and morally (middle-class education)—and, for all their zeal and generosity, retain the imprint of a deep indifference, the indifference of people who don’t have to fight against life. It is as if, because they “possess” the Truth (!) and a minimum of comfort in their daily living conditions, they have been established forever in quiet happiness. Their generosity appears as a virtue of perfection—praiseworthy, no doubt—rather than as a vital necessity, as it is for someone who has to pull himself and others out of destitution. The outcome seems to be a sort of impotence or spiritual infantilism.”


I was inspired to put this quote on my blog after reading from Jacob's blog. Check out his post here.

Pride

Today, our pilate light for our house heating was not lit. Apparently the gas guy can't do it if its under the house. Shucks.
Previously, in anticipation of our house being heated up again, I had a little discussion about our need for heat with my roommate. I went on a little soapbox about how we didn't really need our house to be heated up in the winter and how we could just put more clothes on and save on energy. I also mentioned that my preference would be to have no heat at all. A little while later, he asked me what I thought of Christians who didn't live simple lives, and I said, well, I get annoyed with them, and sad, even though I know I'm not living as simple of a life as I would like to live. This led into a discussion about the house heating, and I realized as my roommate and I chatted that I am a very prideful man. I tend to explain my personal preferences in such a way that others think that I think that somehow they're less "spiritual" if they don't do things the same way. It's something in the way I say it, and its something in my heart that is really messed up.
Hidden pride is a wretched thing.

Evangelism and Social Action

At the same conference that I mentioned in my previous post ONE, I attended a workshop that got into quite a heated discussion. The presenter was talking about street kids and the best ways that we can go about helping them. At one point, he was arguing that the best way to reach the lost world is to focus on kids, because most people become Christians between the ages of 4 and 14. In the midst of talking about social programs to help street kids, he advocated that we should not only be focusing our evangelistic efforts on the 10/40 window (modern missions strategy says we should seek to reach the lost in this geographic area centered in India and China because the most unreached people groups live in this area) but on the 4-14 window. Well, these comments produced a great deal of discomfort in some people in the audience. One lady voiced her concerns about seeking to reach out to help the poor for the purpose of evangelism. She basically was concerned that if we seek to help the poor based on how receptive we think they will be to the gospel, then we are not truly concerned for their needs. It is an interesting perspective, which I think I agree with, though I actually believe that it is much more important for people's spiritual needs to be met than their physical needs (even though I also believe that the physical and spiritual realms are interconnected much more closely than modern western thought since Plato would have us believe).
Anyhew, here are some quotes from two very insightful books that may shed some light on the issue:
By the way, I don't necessarily agree with these selections word-for-word, but I do think that their insights are helpful to ponder.

"By the very nature of the case, this new breed of missionaries must condemn the previous system of missionary work [that of a kind of ecclesiastical peace corps]--and one would have to agree with them in their condemnation. To bring freedom or knowledge or health or prosperity to a people in order that they become Christians is a perversion of missionary work. But what of a system that would bring them progress and developement for its own sake. How would a Christian missionary involved in such work be differentiated from agents of socio-economic systems such as communism or socialism, or even from workers for the United Nations? Or should no such differentiation be made, as some insist? Have we come to the end of the era of mission?"
The author, Vincent Donovan, wrote the following to his Bishop after seeing the failure of the mission in Africa and the lack of converts it produced:
The best way to describe realistically the state of this Christian mission is the number zero. As of this month, in the seventh year of this mission's existence, there are no adult Masai practicing Christians from Loliondo mission...
I suddenly feel the urgent need to cast aside all theories and discussions, all efforts at strategy--and simply to to these people and do the work among them for which I came to Africa. I would propose cutting myself off from the schools and the hospital (which the mission had set up) as far as these people are concerned--as well as the socializing with them--and just go to talk to them about God and the Christian message. I want to go to the Masai on daily safaris--unencumbered with the burden of selling them our school system, or begging for their children for our schools, or carrying their sick, or giving them medicine. Outside of this, I have no theory, no plan, no strategy, no gimmicks--no idea of what will come. I feel rather naked. I will begin as soon as possible.
After he arrived:
"I had to tell them that very first day, when they had all gathered, that I had come to talk about, and deal only with, God. From now on, I would not go in their kraals to sleep, nor would I drink their milk. I would no longer ask for their children for our schools. I wanted no land for mission buildings. I wanted nothing from them. Nor should they expect anything from me. I brought them no gifts, no sweets for their children, no tobacco for the elders, no beads for the women--no medicine for the sick. I had come only to talk about God. They must understand this at the beginning. If they had come for any other motive to listen to me, they must try to understand."
Incidentally, his strategy worked, and the following is a creed from the believers in Africa:

"We believe in the one High God, who out of love created the beautiful world and everything good in it. He created man and wanted man to be happy in the world. God loves the world and every nation and tribe on the earth. We have known this High God in the darkness, and now we know him in the light. God promised in the book of his word, the bible, that he would save the world and all the nations and tribes.
We believe that God, made good his promise by sending His son, Jesus Christ, a man in the flesh, a Jew by tribe, born poor in a little village, who left his home and was always on safari doing good, curing people by the power of God, teaching about God and man, showing that the meaning of religion is love. He was rejected by his people, tortured and nailed hands and feet to a cross, and died. He lay buried in th grave, but the hyenas did not touch him, and on the third day, he rose from the grave. He ascended to the skys. He is the Lord.
We believe that all our sins are forgiven through him. All who have faith in him must be sorry for their sins, be baptized in the Holy Spirit of God, live the rules of love and share the bread together in love, to announce the good news to others until Jesus comes again. We are waiting for him. He is alive. He lives. This we believe. Amen."

Selected from Christianity Rediscovered, by Vincent Donovan


And now, for a selection from Revolution in World Missions, by K.P. Yohannan:

"Throughout the Indian churches, the various mission hospitals and schools of north India are well-known. My coworkers and I eagerly looked forward to visiting some of these missionaries and seeing the local churches. To our amazement, we could not find a living congregation anywhere. The surrounding villages were as deep in spiritual darkness as they had been two hundred years before the missionaries came. As I have travelled throughout India and many other Asian nations, I have seen this same scenario repeated over and over.
[Meanwhile] I met poor, often minimally educated, native brothers involved in Gospel work in pioneer areas. They had nothing material to offer the people to whom they preached--no agricultural training and no medical relief or school program. But hundreds of souls were saved, and in a few years, a number of churches were established."
"Many times I have given my clothes, food, and money to poor people. But I never did so with the hope that it would make them come to Jesus Christ or give them the desire to repent. And neither did Jesus. He helped the poor because He loved them; but He spent most of his ministry teaching and making disciples."


Interesting, very interesting. I'd love it if people would put their thoughts in as comments. I hope I've opened up a whole can of worms :)

Perfect Timing

This morning, I slept in too much. But, thankfully, my laziness was matched by God's faithfulness. At approximately 10:31, after I had taken a shower and risen from my bed of sloth, I was suddenly reminded of the fact That MY CaR Was STilL OuTsiDE On the WrONG SiDE OF ThE CURB! After plunging my hand into my jean shorts pocket for my keys and shoving the door aside on its hinge , I ran outside and saw the large behemoth of a sidewalk cleaner truck lumbering rather quickly around the corner. Racing to my car I jumped in and pulled it into our driveway just 10 seconds before the truck would have smashed my poor car into a smoking hulk. Thankfully, I didn't get the 30 big-ones ticket (cause it would have really screwed me up, being that I am worth about 40 dollars in cash right now!).
This seemingly insignificant little incident reminded me of just how awesome God is. I really needed that today.

ONE

Last weekend I woke up early with my roommate and went to a conference put on by the ONE Campaign (http://www.one.org). Here is the ONE Declaration:

“WE BELIEVE that in the best American tradition of helping others help themselves, now is the time to join with other countries in a historic pact for compassion and justice to help the poorest people of the world overcome AIDS and extreme poverty. WE RECOGNIZE that a pact including such measures as fair trade, debt relief, fighting corruption and directing additional resources for basic needs – education, health, clean water, food, and care for orphans – would transform the futures and hopes of an entire generation in the poorest countries, at a cost equal to just one percent more of the US budget. WE COMMIT ourselves - one person, one voice, one vote at a time - to make a better, safer world for all.”
You can add your voice by signing the declaration online at their website. I watched a video from the website that included a number of celebrities from Bono to Brad Pitt to...
Pat Robertson?!!!!
Shockingly, yes, he was there. Thanks Pat, maybe you're not so bad after all.

Riding with Chesterton

U2 is not the only audible sound that can propel my legs forward in physical exertion. Today, I listened to the inspiring and down-to-earth words of G.K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy while riding a bike around my south LA neighborhood. The oddness of it reminded me of last night, when I found myself picking up my roommate in a crowded McDonalds near Compton that was blaring classical music. Odd, but beautiful. Anyhew, back to Chesterton. I've heard alot about him, but havn't read (or listened) to his stuff too much before. In his second chapter he argues that modernism and materialism is really a form of insanity. Just like a crazy person's world is perfectly logical, though very limited; the modernist cannot explain why a moonlit night is beautiful, or how a first kiss feels, or why we all would wish that miracles were true if we were honest with ourselves. We need the mystics of the world to remind us of the undeniable truth of these things. Indeed, the mystics are the ones who are the most sane and normal people in the world. "The whole secret of mysticism is this: that man can understand everything by the help of what he does not understand."
P.S. Chesterton uses the term "mystic" to refer to someone who believes in the supernatural, especially Christians.

Cancer and Baby Skin

I just got a call from David (the same David I've been posting about--see "David"). He told me that the agent orange he had taken in while in Vietnam had caused cancer in him. So he asked me if I could take him to the doctor tomorrow and asked for some financial help. Of course I said yes, and drove over to meet him at the intersection of Slauson and West, very near my old workplace, where he used to visit me. Once again, he was much more encouraging to me than I was to him. He quoted from two old hymns. The first shared about how we all have crosses to bear: "Must Jesus bear the cross alone, and all the world go free? No, there's a cross for everyone, and there's a cross for me." The second shared the joy that we will have once we get to heaven--like a great family reunion, only much, much better. David has been through so much in his life--yet he continually praises God and looks forward to being with him forever. (He will interject little halelujah's as he shares some scripture or a word of encouragement with me.) After I bought him some orange juice (practically the only thing that stays in his system these days), he prayed (for me!--I didn't even get a chance to pray for him) and I dropped him off near his brother's house, where he will stay the night.
Looking back over my time with David, I realize that David is not the only one sick--I am sick in a different way. I lack love--when he called and told me that he had cancer, I realized how little I cared. I thought about how much more I would have cared if my mother, or one of my close friends from college had cancer. But even then, I don't think I would care like Jesus did when Lazarus died. Another indication of my sickness reared its head when he told me that he would give his veterans benefits to me and his brother if he were to die (he calls me son). Instead of crying at the thought of him dying, I thought for a couple moments how nice it would be to have income through the veterans benefits. Although my caring sometimes produces actions (I'm gonna take him to the hospital tomorrow), it has yet to fully work its way into my heart. I'm reminded of a Keith Green clip in which he shares how he prayed for God to put "baby skin" on his heart--to make it soft. I think that's what I need--some baby skin on my heart.

On monday night of this week, about midnight, I wrote a letter to the Lord. I didn't know where to mail it, so I put it in my Bible. And I asked Him, "Lord you've gotta do something about my heart. A lot of time's gone by since I've met you. it's starting to harden up. It's kind of natural. I want to have baby skin Lord. I want skin like a baby on my heart. Starting to get old, crinkled, calloused. It's not because of anything I'm doing. It's because of a lot of things I'm not doing.

Oh lord, you’re beautiful,
Your face is all I see,
For when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.
Oh lord, you’re beautiful,
Your face is all I see,
For when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.
I want to take your word and shine it all around.
But first help me to just, live it lord.
And when I’m doing well, help me to never seek a crown.
For my reward is giving glory to you.
Oh lord, please light the fire,
That once burned bright and clean.
Replace the lamp of my first love,
That burns with holy fear.
I want to take your word and shine it all around.
But first help me to just, live it lord.
And when I’m doing well, help me to never seek a crown.
For my reward is giving glory to you.
Oh lord, you’re beautiful,
Your face is all I see,
For when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.
Oh lord, you’re beautiful,
Your face is all I see,
For when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.

Come On Inn

I went to it today. The Come On Inn. Took two metro buses up to downtown. Walked into the Midnight Mission. Asked at the desk for Kevin Martin, my boss with Hope for the Homeless. Listened to the soundtrack to Wicked (Kevin apparently loves musicals) while driving. Walked out of the car and came Inn.

Kevin led me up to a room on the second floor of this low-income hotel and he handed half of the folders in his hand to me and explained to me how do handle the clients that he had just assigned to me. The 6 people I met there at the Inn had recieved vouchers that allowed them to stay at the hotel for a period of 6 months so that they could have some breathing room in order to find a job and a more permanent residence. Most of them were formerly homeless. I liked talking with Tracy, although Kevin said that his room was terribly messy when he saw it. He's looking for another place, because he's gonna have to leave the hotel this Sunday. After all of our casework was done, we were treated to lunch at a nice Chinese restaurant by the hotel manager. I'm looking forward to future Tuesdays with Kevin and my friends at the Come On Inn.

Later, I helped tutor some awesome kids in reading at Adventures Ahead.
Man, if you don't like kids, Get over it.

Re: Thoughts on Dating

Masaki has kindly reminded me through a comment on my last posting that it is a struggle for me to be honest with my emotions on paper. For some reason, I decieve myself into thinking that I'm being more honest than I am, so please forgive me, self. Please forgive me dear reader. Because I am slow to change, I hope that you, dear friends, will offer comments that will shape this blog into a more revealing and honest picture into my life, thoughts, feelings and all.

So, as an addendum to my previous post, here goes: I do have a desire to date. I do long for a woman to share my life with. I do yearn to have long conversations into the night and share my life dreams with someone more attractive than my red-bearded roomie.
And yet, I'm content with what I have right now. Jeremy (and hopefully some of you) will do just fine for those long conversations; for now.

"Is anybody seeking, does anybody see? Or are they deaf and dumb like me?"
--Burlap to Cashmere

Thoughts on Dating

I've been enjoying my first day of my three weeks off of work in between jobs, and I picked up a book that I borrowed entitled, 5 Paths to the Love of Your Life: Defining Your Dating Style. It's caused me to think more about dating, and to re-evaluate my single status. I'm more open now to dating than I was when I graduated from college, due to several factors. I feel more mature now, more ready to handle the emotional ups and downs of a relationship, though I realize that I will never be completely ready. I also realize that in my ambition to be a missionary in the slums, it may not be a bad idea to find someone before heading overseas. For many years, I was heavily influenced by Viv Grigg in Cry of the Urban Poor, when he shared: "The spearhead of [an urban poor mission] thrust will be those who accept the gift of singleness for some years...We Protestants have lost the concept of the gift of singleness. Marriage has been seen as the only ideal. The biblical blessing on chosen or given singleness has to be recovered. Part of the blessing of that gift is freedom to pioneer in difficult and dangerous places." (pg. 17) I realize now that I may not be one of those called to "spearhead" the movement--perhaps I am called to go, but not necessarily as a pioneer. The ideal of singleness appeals to my idealism and desire for challenge and struggle, but that doesn't mean that it is necessarily God's plan for my life. I recently talked with a young missionary with Servant Partners in Thailand, and he shared how his ministry in the slums would be easier if he had a wife. Easier to identify with the people, and for the people to understand him. (Apparently the mothers in the slum are constantly asking him to marry one of their daughters).

So, we'll see.

David

David (see last post) showed up at work today again. He wolfed down the cheese on the pizza i gave him, leaving behind the crunchy crust remains. Once again, he challenged me with Scripture, exhorting me to play the man and put on the full armor of God. He knows the Bible so well, having spent many hours in the park pouring over it. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he knew the Bible better than most Bible college students.
He told me that he recites these verses every day to encourage himself:

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day. (Prov. 4:18)
And those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above; and those who turn many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever. (Dan. 12:3)

Oh that you and I could lead many to righteousness in the short span of our lives!

New Hope

Just the other day one of my old friends walked into the church that I work at (only for another three days though). David has been living in the park for quite some time now. I first met him about 8 months ago and loved the sweet fellowship we shared over the Bible and through prayer. I was overjoyed to hear that he got a job with a computer company and will soon be able to get a place to stay in with that kind of money coming in. These are the verses he shared with me as he told of his joy and his grief:
"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him."

What does Sayers Say?

“For whatever reason God chose to make man as he is—limited and suffering and subject to sorrows and death—he had the honesty to take his own medicine…. When he was a man, he played the man. He was born in poverty and died in disgrace and thought it well worthwhile.”
--Dorothy Sayers

The Ballad of Balaam

Well Balaam was the son of Beor
He had a donkey who went “Eeorr.”
Later, he went up Mount Peor,
And ended up all gory.
But let’s get on with the story
(Wouldn’t want to bore ye).

Now Balak, king of the Moabites,
Heard how Jacob smashed the Amorites,
So he allied with the Midianites.
Yet he thought, “Tis not enough,
I must get more stuff,”
And he sent for the seer with a huff.

However, Balaam needed a call from God
Before his feet were shod
(For he wasn’t going to Ashdod).
And God said, “Don’t do it,
It doesn’t require much wit;
Do what I say and quit!”

Again, King Balak sent his delegates.
Now God said to Balaam, “Go with Balak’s pets,
But you might have some regrets.”
So the prophet saddled his ass,
(A donkey, not a word of crass)
And proceeded en masse.

In anger, God sent an angel to kill.
The donkey saw, and averted the hill.
After a whipping, the ass said, “take a chill pill,
Or else you might have to pay.”
Said the angel to Balaam, “Will spare you today,
Only speak what I tell you to say!”

Now Balak met with Balaam in glee,
And said, “Come up this mountain to see,
And curse these Israelites for me.”
So the lukewarm Balaam agreed,
But God told hime to say, “Indeed!
I wish I was of Jacob’s seed.”

After this, the blessings occurred thrice,
Yet Balaam had plans to entice,
And to Balak this was his advice:
“With vice, you may smite,
Seduce them at night;
And your gods will be to them a great sight.”

Balaam’s plan worked out quite well
But how did he die, do tell,
In an Israelite raid he fell!
Thus ends this story of treachery.
Old Balaam lives on in infamy.
Let us, then, not like him be.